HOW TO BEHAVE DURING A NEGOTIATION PART II

When it is our turn to present in a negotiation we should never make inflammatory accusations or become personal, we must try to create empathy for our situation by explaining our stance with facts rather than giving our perspective on their attitudes. They are entitled to their attitude regardless of how we feel about it.

It is wise always to encourage the parties to define a number of possible solutions, emphasizing both party benefits to be gained rather than starting a bargaining or trading process, which is not true negotiation. It is dangerous and foolish to go to our extreme position (i.e. if you don’t do this, I will or will not do that), rather we need to emphasize that we are looking for a mutual solution.

If the negotiation is stalled, (with the process still functioning) we need to try to resolve some less crucial issues to get the process re-started. If a deadlock occurs focus should be on ways to keep the negotiation moving by introducing discussions on how to continue the process rather than resolving the issues. It must always be a priority to stay in the process rather than letting the negotiation degenerate into an open dispute or walk out.

WE ALL NEGOTIATE CONSTANTLY, BARS, BEDROOMS OR BOARDROOMS… OR THE MIDDLE EAST… WINNERS ARE GRINNERS.

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HOW TO BEHAVE DURING A NEGOTIATION

From the start of any negotiation we need to be objective when outlining the issues and while doing so watch closely for non-verbal gestures in an attempt to gauge reaction. If the other side interject, be patient and ‘listen to learn’. Our primary aim at the early stages should be to identify areas of agreement or disagreement.

When the other party is speaking we should NEVER interrupt, listen and look carefully and see if you can gain some insights into their level of knowledge and see how confident, (or fearful) they are. We should be trying to see what they need or want from the negotiation or what is driving or motivating them.

Always focus on what is happening now and where we and they want to go in the future, never get into ‘the last time we met you said’, it is confrontational and a road to no where. At the outset take the initiative and ask the other party to define their current perspective on the issue, remember as in selling, the one who asks the questions controls the discussion.

NEGOTIATION IS ABOUT WIN – WIN, BARGAINING IS ABOUT WIN – LOSE!

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WHAT ARE THE PRIMARY FACTORS AFFECTING COMMUNICATION?

Individual differences, Cultural differences, Attitudes about the message or the other person, Stereotyping, Generalising, Beliefs, Values, Assumptions about what the other person knows, thinks, feels or has heard, Age, Sex, Perceptions, Expectations, Emotional state, Jargon, Differing verbal and non verbal signals, Pre-empting, Thinking about your perspective or answer or something you don’t understand, Lack of feedback, Bad questioning technique or not questioning at all, Inability to summarise, Environmental noise or visual distractions, Way in which the message is sent and of course the big one, OUR OWN LISTENING ABILITY.

To send messages more effectively we need to think about:

WHAT WE WANT TO COMMUNICATE: Organise our thoughts. Make a mental outline… (Know any people that never get to the point?) and state what we are communicating concisely in the appropriate order and at the appropriate pace.
WHEN TO SEND MESSAGE: Is this the right time? What frame of mind is receiver in? … Is the receiver going to listen or are they under stress or pressure from other situations they are dealing with?
WHERE TO GIVE MESSAGE: Is this the right place or are there a lot of distractions? Is more privacy required? (Your standing with colleagues and the boss says... This proposal has some serious flaws, in Para, 4.3.a. the etc., how much do you hear)
WHO IS THE RECEIVER: Their frame of reference, experience and needs… (Hi so you’ve just joined, I’m Fred from HRD, I look after MDP and HRM planning for Mobile, Fixed and MD338 production and this is Harry from finance he is our expert on DCF analysis controlling project analysis for our AXE customers)… HUH!
THE METHOD OF SENDING OUR MESSAGE: In person, by phone, letter, memo or a combination of methods… (Ever received a long set of instructions on your voice mail?)

WHY NOT GIVE YOURSELF A REALITY CHECK AND ASK YOUR COLLEAGUES HOW WELL YOU LISTEN ON A SCALE OF ONE TO TEN?

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WHAT IS COMMUNICATION?

The shared understanding of what has been transmitted…about what has been meant… successfully received… as confirmed by appropriate feedback… The key word is: UNDERSTANDING. Communication is not just telling someone something!

Communication is also… a series of ‘symbols’ translated into language and gestures by the sender, which are then deciphered as a new series of ‘symbols’ by the receiver! … HUH! Example – It’s 3pm on your first day at work whilst hammering a nail into a piece wood your boss says to you, “you work like lightening”, aha you think the boss is happy I’m quick at this job, “thank you boss for the compliment” (you say), “compliment” says the boss “I’m telling you your hopeless, like lightning you never strike in the same place twice”

So what’s the problem? The most commonly used 2000 words in the English language can produce 14,000 possible interpretations. Because those with whom we speak constantly interpret rather than truly listen… our real meaning is often lost.

To be a good communicator we need to test to see if our message has been understood as we intended by asking the ‘receiver’ to explain what we have said or what we have asked for… in their own words.

TALK IS CHEAP, SOUND COMMUNICATION IS A KEY TO SUCCESS.

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